Tubing: A How-To Guide for Amateurs

'Tis the season for water sports my friends. As someone who did not grow up around water or the luxury of enjoying water sports (unless you consider floating down the Rock River in a 15 year-old tube that you wrestled out of your grandpa's "junk" shed a water sport) I'm a complete and total fish out of water when it comes to anything IN the water. Some friends and I went boating on the beautiful Lake Samish recently, and I want to let everyone know that no matter how many laps you can run around a track, or how many push-ups you can do in a minute, NOTHING can prepare you for the rollercoaster ride that is tubing. Here are some of the lessons that I learned first hand. Soak it in people; soak it in.

1. Choose a lake with a view. Not only is it a stunning backdrop to your pictures, it also allows you to look away from the train-wreck that is an amateur on the tube.


2. A form-fitting life jacket is key. After all, safety first! Daniel chose to show a little mid-riff with the Oh Know He Didn't! model from Joe's.


3. In case you missed your morning workout, tubing allows you to work those calves and glutes as you are dragged at an inhumane speed behind a boat. Who knew?! Ryan's right leg gave a new definition to the word "toned" after his turn.


4. Attempting to stay on your own tube is LAME. The objective of tubing is not to hold on for dear life and try to enjoy the wild ride which you are on, but rather, to pull out all the stops in order to get your fellow tubing buddy off his/her tube. Check out this crouching tiger, hidden dragon move.


5. A smart woman once said, "Gum is to hair as dog poop is to new shoes." Don't chew gum while tubing. Inevitably, it will jump out of your mouth and land gracefully on your buddy's leg hair, resulting in a shiny, smooth bald spot. Who is the smart woman with the words of wisdom you may ask? Those are my words, people. Don't even think about plagiarizing that proverb.


6. Lastly, though all intentions of including the 9 month-old sweet pea in the tubing experience are good, if she refuses to wear the jacket of life, the intentions stop at the dock. However, make sure to get a picture first. Mid-scream would be best. Also, if you can capture the humor on mom's face at the same time, you have a winner.


There you have it, my friends. It was a great day filled with laughter, blood curdling screams, and bruises. Can't wait until next time.