My Life According to Facebook

Do you ever get the feeling that someone is watching you? And when you finally meet that person or persons, they already know all about you? This is the relationship that I am currently having with everyone's favorite social network, Facebook. I feel like a contestant on Big Brother. Going about my day, all the while not realizing that 350 executive producers are documenting my every move. My friends at home are laughing hysterically at my OCD antics and sudden lack of social skills when surrounded by 15 strangers; closed off from the outside world. The American people are acquiring gut wrenching side aches while watching me attempt to be athletic and participate in the Head of Household and Veto challenges. Yet surprisingly, I manage to hang in there week after week, because let's face it: I'm not the biggest threat. Plus, who wants to get rid of the funny girl. I keep things real, people. Don't vote me out or I will hunt you down and arrange all of your DVDs alphabetically. If you really anger me, I may even go as far as to organize your linen closet. That's how I roll. But I digress...

Lately, I've been consumed with some quizzes that are being offered to Facebook members. I log on with good intentions, meaning to quickly read friends' updates, view new photos, write on some walls, etc, but then I see, "What kind of mental disorder are you?"

Wait.

What?

Are you telling me that I can quickly answer 8-10 questions and within seconds, receive a confirmation message telling me what kind of mental disorder I have?

WHERE DO I SIGN UP!!!

The questions were easy at first, but once the voices in my head began to speak up and share their opinions, things got a little hairy.

10 questions later, I discovered that I suffer from this:

You have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. You straighten out pens, organize your M&Ms by color, and are probably driven insane by things that are out of place. Congratulations, it's a very fun disorder!

GASP! Shocking! This is brand new information! So my classroom borders are all hung at 90 degree angles; every drawer is labeled, my desk looks like an IKEA display, my clothes are organized by color...ok, so maybe it's true.

How did Facebook know this about me?

Coincidence?

It must be.

Maybe I'll take another quiz and test this Facebook theory. Hmmmm..."What TV Show Should You Star In?" That sounds perfect! I'll try that one!

(begin taking quiz)

(little giggle at the randomness of the questions)

...and SUBMIT!

(insert annoying Jeopardy theme music here)

Viola! According to Facebook, I belong on this show:

A day in your shoes would make a great episode of One Tree Hill. Even though you are well past high school you still find yourself surrounded in highschool drama. Even though drama seems to follow you around, you have a close network of lifelong friends that will always have your back. You are very wild and carefree; however, you are ambitious as well, and you know what goals you want to accomplish in the future..

OK, this is getting freaky. That's only like MY FAVORITE SHOW! OK, Facebook. Bring it on. I bet you can't tell me who I was in high school!?

WRONG!!!

This was me according to Facebook: You loved chorus, home-making, and gossiping on the phone with your friends, all 2 of them. You wore braces, believed in God, and were looking forward to going to a good college so you could get your MRS. You had a secret crush on the Stud, but he never even noticed you. You secretly stole liquor from your parent's liquor cabinet and drank your sorrows away. Your date for the prom was your cousin...

The good girl?! OK FINE! YOU'RE RIGHT FACEBOOK! Except for the last half of that description. First of all, my parents didn't have a liquor cabinet. Secondly, my male cousins didn't even live in the same county as me. And even if they had, SHAME ON YOU FACEBOOK for even suggesting such a thing. And thirdly, I did have a crush on the Stud, but for the record, he knew I existed. In fact, we were good friends, SO THERE!

I GIVE UP, FACEBOOK! YOU WIN!!!

This is actually a good thing. I can use this to my advantage. Next time I come to a crossroads in my life, I simply need to log on to Facebook and take a quiz entitled, "What should you do when you come to crossroads in your life?" and then I'll know! How great is that! AND, did you know I can take a quiz that will tell me when I'll get married or how many kids I'll have, or if I'm really feeling gutsy, I can discover what character from Fraggle Rock I would be!

I think I'll save that one for a rainy day.