There's a new comedy on TV. It's called $#*! My Dad Says. I don't watch it, but it intrigues me. The show itself is based on a real-life Twitter account that a young man started as a way to document all the crazy stuff his dad said about random subjects. I can only imagine the money this guy is rolling in right about now.
To commemorate this new addition to CBS's fall lineup, I've decided to share with you, my faithful readers, some $#*! that my parents have said. Or say. The very $#*! that I will pass on to my own little nuggets someday. It's my destiny.
Regarding the volume on the television:
"Turn it down! The neighbors have their own TV!" ~Mom
Regarding gossip:
"I'm sure glad we're all perfect." ~Dad
Regarding central air-conditioning:
"Close the door! We're not air-conditioning the entire neighborhood!" ~Mom
Regarding peer pressure:
"If everybody else jumped off a cliff, would you do it too?" ~Both
Regarding any trip ever taken to anywhere:
"Last year at this time..." ~Dad
Regarding the question "Why?" when given a specific direction:
"Because I said so." ~Mom
Regarding the injustice of the answer "No":
"That's nice, but I'm not 'so-and-so's' mom". ~Mom
Regarding deliberate disobediance, gossip, or other stumbling blocks:
"The devil is smiling right now." ~Dad
And finally, whenever we would poke fun of Dad for something his response would be:
"Sure, just laugh at the old man!"
That last quote had been past down through the generations. My grandpa said it, and now his sons say it. Uncle Les, I'm talking to you. You know it's true. I'm just waiting for the day when my bros use this line on their own children.
And speaking of the bros, I kindly asked them to assist me in this list of sweet nothings from our parental units, but alas, they are no help to me whatsoever. My next post will be "$#*! my parents said that my brothers never listened to so now they can't help their sister when she's trying to reminisce about her wonderful childhood and the crazy things her parents used to say." Thanks a lot, boys.
What crazy stuff did your parents used to say? Or what crazy stuff do YOU say that your kids will one day emulate?
I can so hear your parents saying those things! The only thing I can think of my parent saying is, "You're a better door than a window" when one of us was standing in front of the T.V.
ReplyDeleteThe classic momism when I was growing up was: "Remember to say 'please' and 'thank you'; and stay with your group!"
ReplyDeleteAn oft-repeated phrase from my mommy days was: "You don't have to like it; you just have to do it."
My show would be called "$h!t my mom used to say, but now is coming out of MY MOUTH"...scary!
ReplyDeleteWhen we couldn't find something, Mom would say "Well, do you want me to crap one out?" Seriously, what kind of example is that? And the sad thing is, I have now said it to my kids!
ReplyDelete