Prince William is now officially off the market. Chalk another "teenage crush that will never be mine" up on the board. The new Duke of Cambridge is now among the ranks of Saved by the Bell's Zach Morris, Full House's Uncle Jesse, and Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman's Sully.
I can't stay forlorn. Just look at the happy couple.
And that dress. Oh my lands. I want it. I'd also take her figure. She can keep her new title as the Duchess of Cambridge or Mrs. William of Wales, though. I could never be a duchess. I don't think a dutchess is allowed to go out in public in yoga pants and a hoodie. And that would rock my entire existence. So, sorry William. This ship has sailed. Not far, mind you. I'm actually floating aimlessly in the Singleton Harbor, but you get my drift. It would have never worked between us.
I wish you all the happiness that a world clad by paparazzi, fame, and required royal social gatherings has to offer.
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