Soapbox Soliloquy 2011

It's official.

Standardized tests have proven that I'm an idiot.

I had received an email yesterday informing me that my results would be posted somewhere between 5 and 10 p.m. Seriously? That's like the Comcast guy saying he'll be at your house between 8 and 12 and then showing up at 11:47. But I digress.

So there I was in the Macy's parking lot. Checking my email on my phone. That's when I saw it. The email. "Test results". My stomach did a somersault. Or two. Or 35. The somersaults continued all the way back to Lynden, as my phone had the audacity to inform me "Cannot support application". Stupid Adobe.

I got to Lynden and flew straight to school as I have yet to call Comcast and have the Internet hooked up at my condo. Turn the computer on. Wait for what seems like hours. Open my email. Open THE email. Scroll down.

WEST-E Elementary Education Subtest 1: Not Passed

Oh God. No. This can't be happening.

WEST-E Elementary Education Subtest 2: Passed

OK, so at least part of my prayer was heard and answered.

Scroll down further.

Special Education: Passed

Wait. What? Seriously? Are. You. Kidding. Me.

I hardly studied for that test. I was far more concerned with the elementary education tests than the special ed endorsement test.

Then I spiraled into the dark depths of defeat as I recognized that failure had its claws in me. There were tears. Just a few. Surprising since I'm not one to usually hold back the flood gates. So I went to Homestead and worked out some frustration for a solid hour before coming home and watching The Bachelor finale. At least he picked the right girl. Thank you, Brad Womack, for not adding fuel to my already out of control fire of failure.

Following a few hours of sulking and then a whopping 3 hours of sleep due to stress-induced insomnia, I managed to get out of bed this morning, and drag my tired bum to school where I could read the details of my failure.

The first subtest that I DID NOT PASS consisted of 50 questions. All questions about math and science. Fan-frickin-tastic. Math is a subject from Hades, and all of the science questions were borrowed from "Are you Smarter Than a Fifth Grader". Curse you, Jeff Foxworthy. And I was three points away from passing. Three measly points. I'm getting a headache just writing about this nonsense. I do not understand why junior high and high school algebra questions are on an elementary education subtest. I didn't understand high school algebra when I was IN high school, much less 10 years later. I'm not kidding. I hit my algebra plateau in the 8th grade. I was the one correcting my freshman algebra teacher, "Mrs. Westra, you accidentally put an x and a y on the board. I think those are supposed to be numbers." Ugh.

Excuse me while I stand on my soapbox for a moment:

I have been a teacher for six years. I am dang good at what I do. I have a passion for kids. I spend everyday trying to be the best person that I can be, so my eight-year old little people have a Godly, Christian teacher paving the way for their second grade success. I desire to teach my students the intricate parts of God's creation whether it be picking apart syllables in reading or learning about the seasons of the apple orchard. My prayer is that someday, former students will look back on their second grade year and say, "Wow. My teacher really loved me. And she really loved Jesus. That was the best year ever!" Those little people are the best thing in my life. They are my constant. They constantly make me want to be a better person. They constantly make me laugh. They constantly reaffirm my calling to be a teacher. And they constantly remind me of Christ's love for those of us who continually fall short of deserving his grace.

So I want to know in what universe can a standardized test prove to the state of Washington that I am worthy of such an honor!?! That I'm competent of being a good teacher?

Let me tell you something, State of Washington WEST Test Officials, you people ought to be ashamed of yourselves. Every day, wannabe teachers are turned away because they can't answer a high school algebra question. Or they can't tell you what invention of the 1600's helped pave the way for something of greatness in America. Or what former president President Kennedy modeled his inaugural address after. These are questions that you learn once in your life, and if you were to teach a class someday in which these particular topics would be covered, you would brush up on your knowledge of such. Ask me a question about the life cycle of the pond. Or about the importance of phonemic awareness. Better yet, ask me what Cherub #1's strongest subject is. Or why the story of the birth of Jesus is Cherub #2's favorite Bible story. Or why Cherub #3 wants to be a missionary when she grows up. Those are the kind of things I can tell you. Those are the kind of things your teachers should be able to tell you. The important things.

And off my soapbox.

So, with that off my chest, I will say this: I will retake the blasted math and science test. But first, I'm going to get my little patootie certified in special education so I at least have a Washington teaching certificate in my hands. And then I can complete Pro-Cert knowing it will be worth my time.

And then I will write a letter to our state representative and tell him or her or them EXACTLY what I said earlier in what will become known as Soapbox Soliloquy 2011.

I'm a fighter, people.